Monday, January 17, 2011

Pants on fire. Monday, January 17, 2011.

“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We do this because we’re afraid.” – Richard Bach

My depression lies to me. Maybe yours does too.

My depression tells me, “You are no good at what you do,” when I have a whole list of commendations and awards.

My depression tells me, “You suck at your job,” when I got three promotions in two years and nothing but stellar reviews.

My depression tells me, “Your friends don’t care about you,” when they send me e-mails asking me out for coffee or dinner.

My depression tells me, “You’re a horrible daughter,” when it would be so much easier to walk away rather than take over my parents’ affairs – and I haven’t.

My depression tells me, “You’re a neglectful mother,” when my son is a young man who has turned out very well.

My depression tells me, “You’re a terrible wife,” when my husband reminded me last night how much he loves me.

My depression tells me, “You’re a terrible housekeeper,” when that is not the measure of a person. (At least I hope not.)

My depression tells me, “You’re ugly,” when I used to model.

My depression tells me, “You just waste time on Facebook,” when every day someone contacts me and thanks me for what I write and do, and that means so much to me.

My depression tells me, “You’re pathetic to be on medication,” when I tried to heal myself for many years and found the illness winning.

My depression tells me, “You’re worthless,” when my family, my job and my church would not be the same without me.

My depression tells me, “You don’t deserve to live,” when apparently that’s wrong as despite depression’s attempt to the contrary, I happen to still be here.

My depression likes to tell me lies. And when I feel vulnerable, I believe them. I think it’s time for me to tell my depression to shut the fuck up.

What do you think?


  1. I have thoughts that are exactly the same!

    Your right...tell them to shut the fu*k up!

    We're all beautiful for being exactly who we are.

    Wishing you peace & healing. <3

  2. My depression tells me very similar things.My depression has caused me to lose pretty much everything, I am like a baby starting trying to learn to walk again. My depression has been a thief, robbed me of the most beautiful moments of y life. A weed blocking out all my sunshine, strangling this flower, and its still not satisfied. That is why today at my age, I am trying so hard to catch up to everyone. I'm not afraid to admit that I am envious of people around me. Women married. With children. Careers they love. Able to be emotionally independent.. the list goes on. I'm not sure if my life will ever be anything but mediocre, I can only hope..

  3. My depression tells me the same things. My depression sucks balls.
    I was actually grateful to be diagnosed with bipolar II at the age of 38 after many, many years of misdiagnosis and self-hate. I can't say I've learned to love myself but at least there is a name for what I'm going through.
    I agree with Fia Marie. My depression had robbed me of many beautiful things in life that it seems others are allowed to have.

  4. Well written. I find myself relating to many of those "lies"

  5. My depression robbed me of all confidence,any futue I deserved,friends , the capacity tofind real love[including relationships]I cannot compete with siblings,peers,and feel less than I know I am in my heart.

  6. depression robbed me of the best years of mylife. It robbed me of my daughter's life. it robbed me of my childhood, and my youth. It made me believe all those lies. And lies they are.

  7. I am loving your blog - you have got into my head and repeated all my nasty little thoughts. Thank you
    take care