Wednesday, June 9, 2010
One year ago today. May 27, 2010.
"Do you remember the things you were worrying about a year ago? How did they work out? Didn’t you waste a lot of fruitless energy on account of most of them? Didn’t most of them turn out all right after all?” – Dale Carnegie
* * *
How does one commemorate the one-year anniversary of a suicide attempt?
We have all sorts of ways to celebrate HAPPY occurrences – birthday parties, wedding anniversary celebrations. But horrific events we... See More’d rather forget burst into our consciousness when “that time of year” rolls around again, too.
A year ago today, I was extraordinarily ill. I had been in a bipolar “mixed state,” without access to medication, for more than two months. I had lost weight, couldn't sleep, ignored my son and couldn't communicate with my husband. I was sure I was going to be fired. I was not functional. And everything – the weather, my summer clothes, the TV season – is reminding me of that time. It literally feels like it happened yesterday.
I’m scared today, because it’s “a thin place” – a place where the past and the present, where multiple possible realities, collide. In so many ways, my life is so much better than it was a year ago. Other problems haven’t yet been solved. But today, I am alive. Today, I am in the process of getting well. Today, I have a tomorrow.